Now is the time I just have to look back. That's something I've always avoided. From the past, I'd take the lessons learned but I wouldn't allow any more than that into my thoughts. Now it's unavoidable. The thing I notice the most is how little I know, especially when I take into account the fact I thought I knew everything. But that's just youth and inexperience and most people live a part of their lives just like I did - not knowing much, yet not wanting to learn because you think you already know it all. However the lack of desire to learn doesn't stop you from actually learning. All you go through teaches you something. Years from some events, you'll see where you were wrong and how it all taught you what's right. But for many things, it does take years.
It's hard when it happens and especially when it happens with a reason like this (otherwise, honestly, I probably wouldn't contemplate it yet). But it's better to look back and see how much you've grown and changed, than not to realise that at all.
What makes me happy is the fact that I can pass on all I've learned to the people in my life. It gives me a sense of completion to know that after all I've gone through, all I've learned through that, I get to share it with my loved ones. It's not the ideal way, not the way I imagined it would be, but it's still wonderful how I have so many options to save and share my experiences today. I plan on talking about this in a video and maybe adding written stories with photos about some things. I hope it means to them to have that at least a part of what it means to me to do it.