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Added on Tue 13th Jul 2021 1:10am   Last edited on Sun 14th Nov 2021 4:28pm

Victoria Clausen

Resurfacing Grief

I'm okay most of the time, but there are days when I feel guilt, regret, and all these negative feelings at the same time. I don't know how to deal with it, so I try to ease my mind by reading books. Will these days ever stop? Even though I saw my parents' deaths coming, I still feel bad because I didn't treat them as well or make them as happy as I should have. Years have passed, and I've grown old myself, yet these heavy feelings still linger around.

Added on Sun 18th Jul 2021 7:24pm   Last edited on Sun 18th Jul 2021 7:24pm

Myrna Kearney

Is it your terminal illness that made these feelings resurface or have you always felt this way?  It sounds like you could use a good counselor.  Talk to the hospice social worker and see what the person says.  You shouldn't have to carry around such guilt.  

Added on Mon 19th Jul 2021 1:10am   Last edited on Mon 19th Jul 2021 1:10am

Vernon Orr

Nah, I reckon those feelings are pretty normal.  Heck, my parents have been gone for decades, and I still sometimes think about the time I made my mom cry because she was late when picking me up from ball practice.  I picture me yelling and her face crumpling in tears, and I'm instantly hit with shame.  I think it's common to feel like you should've acted differently towards loved ones.  And in a perfect world, I could've been that perfect son.  But we're all dealing with our own stressors, and we all have competing things that vie for our time, attention, and energy.  We do the best we can.  I believe my mom knew I loved her, no matter what.  I know she loved me unconditionally too.  Sometimes that's enough to let the rest go.

Added on Tue 20th Jul 2021 5:19am   Last edited on Tue 20th Jul 2021 5:19am

Victoria Clausen

Thank you for your concerns. Getting a counselor didn't cross my mind because days like these only happen occasionally. However, it's just heavy during the times it occurs. Writing about it eased my mind, and also hearing from you folks. The lingering grief may be a part of being human that we can only live with it. I'm grateful for the memories I shared with them all the same.

Added on Mon 4th Oct 2021 9:35am   Last edited on Mon 4th Oct 2021 9:35am

Theresa M.

Posts: 15
Location: Massena
Member since: 27/03/2021

I hear that, Victoria!  It's tough, isn't it?  I don't think that feeling ever 100% goes away, but I try to remind myself about the good times instead of dwelling on the bad.  That's about all a person can do. 

Added on Sun 14th Nov 2021 4:28pm   Last edited on Sun 14th Nov 2021 4:28pm

Eddie Byrd

There are many, many times when I'd love to have a time machine, so I could have another crack at getting it right.  If only.  I try not to dwell on it, though.