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Added on Sun 13th Oct 2019 2:22pm   Last edited on Sat 26th Oct 2019 4:42am

Sammy Delaney

Tainted legacy?

Do you ever feel like your life limiting-illness is going to taint the legacy that you're leaving behind?  Like it doesn't matter what I did prior to my diagnoses, my disease is what molds my legacy and how others see me now.  At least that's how I'm starting to feel.  

Added on Sat 19th Oct 2019 10:15am   Last edited on Sat 19th Oct 2019 10:15am


Yes, I do.  It's not the disease itself that's the problem, but the responsibility of caring for me that worries me. I'm no longer independent, so I live with my daughter, my son-in-law, and my two grandkids.  I've been here for several months already.  My daughter and her husband have to cook for me, take off of work to take me to appointments, clean up after me, help me get to the restroom, do my physical therapy, help me get dressed and bathed, and much more.  I feel like a burden.  Don't get me wrong, they always say they're glad I'm here and that it's no problem to care for me and that they're doing it out of love.  I know all of that and I'm thankful for their support, but despite my bodily decline, I still have my mind and I know it's a lot of work and  sacrifice!  I worry that the physical, mental, and emotional grind of caregiving is the legacy I'm now leaving behind. 

 My family knows that I'm using this service to leave behind some video messages for them.  It would upset my daughter to know that I worry about these things, so I'm posting anonymously.  

Added on Tue 22nd Oct 2019 2:55pm   Last edited on Tue 22nd Oct 2019 2:55pm

Shelly Bernier

It wasn't too long ago that this used to be the norm. The family would take care of their elders/sickly in their homes. Some communities, like the Amish, have a seperate house just for this purpose. The elder has their own space, the family has theirs and everyone chips in with the care. Their is no burden felt on either side. It's just the way it is.

We have accepted the change over the years that what used to be the norm no longer is, and some people feel guilty or out of place when care has to be done in the home. We should not accept that change. We should work to get things back to that place. The Japanese culture is very much like that and there is no reason why ours cannot be like that again.

I'm glad to hear you have a family that helps you like this. Please don't feel like a burden to them, becasue you're not. Finish out your legacy by accepting the care your family is giving with grace and appreciation. I can think of no better way to cross the finish line.

Added on Sat 26th Oct 2019 4:42am   Last edited on Sat 26th Oct 2019 4:42am

Bob Stanford

I do worry about that sometimes, especially as I know I will require more and more care and help with daily activities as time goes on. I don't want my loved ones to remember me as someone they had to take care of around the clock. I hope and pray they can hold on to all the wonderful memories we have created together.